i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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