I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
