Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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