In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
