We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize