nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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