i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
