plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
honey bunches of taint.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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