I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
