Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
