i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
