so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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