omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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