You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
