You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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