google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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