Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
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