Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
sarcasm needs its own font
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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