I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
