It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
