so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
