Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We are two peas in an std pod
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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