Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
