life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
