I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
ttyl tear gas
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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