Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
