Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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