No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
