It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
