you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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