whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there is glitter all over my balls
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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