I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
