That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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