That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
