I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
