ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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