since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
