As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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