Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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