apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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