i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
