I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Randomize
