I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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