mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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