Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
