im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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