piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
