Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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