I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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