Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
