When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
