So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
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